Big Fat Puerto Rican Girl

My Weight today. Drum roll please...

2011-02-25T23:57:00.005-05:00

After three and a half years on this blog my weight today is 214 lbs. That's right people, I weigh only 1 pound less today than I did when I started my blog.

How sad is that?

Bleh, anyway, guess whattttt? We ended up finding, well my daughter found, the Kinect at our local Game Stop. And we played it tonight, though not much because we connected it pretty late.

It is SOOOO much fun! If only you all could have seen my royal fatness jumping up and down like a lunatic and swaying back and forth. I got a score of 29, which is pretty pathetic considering my 3 year old grand daughters score was 79, but hey I did it, and that's what matters most. And I almost broke a sweat too, so boo-ya!

At first I kept letting all the kids go and I was seriously considering not joining in, I didn't want to "look stupid". Then I remembered my post on what my life was like eons ago, what I want it to be again and I just did it.

So glad and proud of myself for that, now if I can just break the "one off" curse. See it goes a lil something like this. I get super psyched and amped about getting healthy (ya lets DO THIS!) and I do all these crazy things.

Like getting everyone I know involved because they say when you are held accountable by others it makes weight loss easier. Or I buy something that has worked for someone else, like the handy dandy stack of work out DVDs I own, "Dance your ass off" anyone? And I do the walking with friends, or try and dance my ass off, and I have even been known to throw in a little yoga booty ballet. But then after one time I find excuses not to do it again. My friend M will call for a second walk on a nice day and I decide cooking dinner that second is more important. I hide the DVDs so I won't feel so guilty about once again not keeping up with my goal on top of the money I've just spent.

So is this time different? I can only say thatm God willing it is. Because I really do hate being so fat that I can't thoroughly enjoy living my life. I will keep you updated. Good Night my peeps.

P.S. Big ups to my girl J who is celebrating her "27th" birthday in style :) Have a GREAT time in Vegas this weekend mama, wish I was there.

XBOX 360 for Weight Loss?

2011-02-25T14:34:00.005-05:00

Sooooooo, guess what? My daughter and I are going halvsies on the XBOX 360 Kinect budle! It's $300 and comes with a game, we are also planning to purchase Zumba and Dance Dance Revolution. I just thought it would be something fun to do with the kids. She wants it so that we can loose some weight and get toned.

After reading some reviews, it looks like you work up quite a sweat with all of the games even if they aren't targeted for working out, so maybe I can shed some of the rolly polliness. But toned? I wonder if it will work. If any of you have tried it, please, I would love to hear from you and get your input.

She is having a problem finding it in any of the stores around our area, so we may have to order it online :(

I will keep you updated. Who knows, maybe I'll be a bikini model yet, watch out Heidi Klum! lol

When I close my eyes and think of what I want my life to be...

2011-02-24T11:20:00.006-05:00

I would be rid of the cigarettes for sure. And that cigarette money saved would be taking me to England and France and Italy.

An ex smoker, healthy and happy at my goal weight. A return to my old self where even if I was afraid I would try new things, like snowboarding, cuz hey, you only live once and as John Gotti once told his son, "at the end of the day all we have are our memories".

And even though apprehensive I would attend that black tie affair and say yes to a date with the hottie MGM rep that is in town. A return to the me that loved girls night out and having my little sisters teach me the latest dance moves, now don't hate but I learned all the moves to NSYNC's "Tearing up my heart" back in the day :)

Someone that loves to do athletic things with my kids, like basketball in the park on a nice summer day or sledding in the winter, and dare I say it, a lil touch football in the fall.

I would NOT be working at my current job, though I cannot tell a lie, working in television has been one of my better job experiences. But I digress, I'd have a career not a job, I would be writing for a living. Writing non fiction about strong women who have chased their dreams of entrepreneurism, and fiction with fabulous characters based on my crazy, smart, lovable and ghetto-fabulous friends.

I would vacation in spectacular places and date delicious men!

So, these are the things I would do, the person I would be, the person that I was.

Yes, if I could blink and have the life I want, those are some of the things that would instantly change. But alas, I cannot.

So I have two choices, exactly what I've been doing which is to wish and dream and not change my ways. Or man up! and do what i gotta do.

What My Fat Means To Me...

2011-02-23T15:30:00.006-05:00

As I sit here at work eating my bag of mini chips ahoy that I just spend .85 on at the vending machine of death, I ponder. What does my fat mean to me? So the following list is what I have come up with so far, I'm sure I can add more if I really think about it, but i need to "get me back".

These are in no particular order:

No cute boys to kiss good night after a date :(

18 is my new and very sad size

Chest pains

Can't go up a flight of stairs or walk a full New York City block without being winded

I am depressed

I avoid doing things I like (I miss swimming the most)

I threaten my kids and friends when I find they've posted a photo of me on facebook

I've let myself go in other areas, i.e. my hair, my clothing choices

I get tired to the point of having to stop when playing with my 3 year old grand daughter

Avoid choosing places fabulous like Miami and Puerto Rico for girls weekends because that screams bathing suit

Sigh! I know you may be tired of hearing this, cuz i'm tired of saying it, but I need a change :( I need my life back, where the hell did I go?

How are you all doing?

Note From a Fan! lol

2011-02-23T14:46:00.003-05:00

"1 comments:

Anonymous said...: You sound f*&king sexy.

Buck up and be confident, damnit. Its girls like you who make me hate being a chubby chaser. Always bitchin' and moaning, my goodness. Soon you'll be the norm."

The above comment had me ROLLIN' when I went onto my email for my Big Fat Girl blog. First, Thank You Mr. Anonymous :) Really thanks! But I want to let him know why I (and other women like me) "bitch and moan".

If you are chasing chubby women that love being chubby, then have at it. But no good can come from chasing a chubster like myself that doesn't want to be caught because they are chubby. Can you understand that?

How can I ever be happy in any relationship if I am unhappy with myself? The answer is, I can't.

So once again, thanks for the smile today, I needed that :) But I think I will keep on keepin' on with my long, long, loooooong road to my goal weight.

Why can't I get motivated?

2010-06-22T09:33:00.004-04:00

I have snuck a peek here and there at the grandest of all health and life style change books, Fit for Life. I just have no motivation. I am in a classic catch 22 at this point. I'm depressed with my weight and really believe that my disgusting eating habits and sad lack of motivation when it comes to exercise are affecting my health. Yet since I am sluggish and depressed I can not seem to find the umph one needs to start a major life overhaul of the magnitude that I need.

Can we say DEEEE-pressed?!

2010-06-10T10:29:00.003-04:00

Hey all, let me start off by saying, UGH!

I have been reading through some of the comments left on my blog (thanks for reading guys) over the past year or so and it occurred to me that I've had this blog for like, 3 years and I'M STILL FAT!

I recently changed my photo from my retro favorite go-to anonymous pic to an actual photo of me. Now I am not showing my face because ewe, I don't need people seeing the face attached to this nasty "maltrama*" (as my mom says), body of mine.

But I was in a dressing room with a super cute green shirt that was an XXL and it DID NOT fit me :(

SO that is my picture when I put my own shirt back on, and since I usually avoid mirrors, it was the first time I really saw how gross I looked in it. The arm fat, the belly roll etc.

On top of that my chest/heart has been hurting on and off. I know it's because I smoke, I'm fat and eat terrible things and I don't EVER exercise.

Planning to dust off my fit for life book. But I don't know what will happen, I mean hell, it's been three years and I'm still around the same weight as when I started this blog in 2007.

Good luck all...

*Maltrama is a word used to describe the body of an overweight person who is all jiggly wiggly and has flaps and folds of fat hanging over and around any piece of clothing they find to fit their rotund frames. That's me.

YAY! We got our official start date!

2009-06-23T14:53:00.005-04:00

Okay, so I have to admit something. I thought that with all of the sudden interest in the weight loss competition from our "news girls", I would get booted and be relegated to a life of big belly-ness and un-toned calves. Oh the HORROR!

I mean, it only made sense that any on air personalities that wanted to participate would equal more PR for the client right? But alas, someone had the most brilliant of ideas and our station now has 2 teams of 4 that will go up against teams made up of our viewers.

We have a start date of July 6th. I am excited and nervous. I have butterflies in my stomach and one of the other girls said she feels like throwing up. lol.

And side bar here people: NONE of our news girls need to lose weight, they are all young, gorgeous and fabulous! But the fact that 4 of them signed up goes to show how weight and size crazy obsessed we, as Americans, are.

Anyway, wish us all luck :) I'm sure I'll have a great time, after the anxiety induced nausea goes away. I cant WAIT!

Sometimes God just drops it in your lap, ya know?

2009-06-15T16:53:00.004-04:00

Sooooooo, I'm at work today minding my own beez wax when I hear one of our sales people telling her manager about a "fun new idea" she has. I didn't hear what the idea was and went about my business, but when I get back from lunch I see a new memo out back. And BAM!

It's from said Sales Executive, looking to round up 3 co-workers to participate as a team along side of her in a competition against some of our viewers (Remember people, I work for a television station) it's to be sponsored by a local gym.

And me, who constantly shies away from attention, I signed up for the challenge. I am SUPER DUPER nervous people.

Anyway here's what I know so far:

Each person gets 3 hours a week of personal training sessions for a total of 8 weeks. (Value $1080 - no lie)

Our competition will be two other teams of 4 each made up of our viewers.

Winning team gets a one year gym membership.

Why am I nervous you may be asking. Hmm, well, I detest the spotlight, especially when I resemble a baby beluga whale. And I just KNOW that I know, that I know, that our pics, bios and poundage will be on full blast for all to see (and vote on).

UGH!

Anyway I will keep you posted. It's supposed to begin the 1st or 2nd week of July.

Fit for Life, Social Experiment: Update #2

2009-06-09T23:09:00.007-04:00

There is a LOT to take in with the Fit for Life lifestyle change. The following are a couple of the smaller changes (though every change has an impact) that I want to gradually work in over the next 7 to 10 days.

Fruit or fresh fruit juice for breakfast

Yep ONLY fruit or juice for breakfast, bye bye sausage and egg beaters :(

Drink more water

I had actually started on this one before I picked the book back up and after a couple of days I felt less sluggish, well as "less sluggish" as a 215 pound 5'2 " woman CAN feel.

Be in bed by 10pm

This is gonne be HARD for me. #1 because I am a night owl, totally HATE the mornings and #2 because I lead a very busy life during baseball season. And this year will be especially taxing because my sons are in different leagues, so that means double the games, plus work, my writing and all regular domestic related things.

Ay bendito!

Anyway thats all for now, Ta Ta!

Fit for Life Social Experiment: First update

2009-06-05T12:55:00.004-04:00

Sup everyone?

Okay, so like I said, I am reading Fit for Life from cover to cover, and while I don't have a lot of time I wanted to post a few of the things that have jumped out at me thus far.

I do NOT remember all of this from the zillion years ago when I first read the book either, anyway here it is.

A few of the testimonials at the start of the book:

"My Husband and I are in our 60s and have been on your program for 2 weeks. We feel so much better already. My husband was taking pills for arthritis - and now he takes none."
E.H.
Raymond, Maine

" Five years of doctors and medications and it takes your book on good nutritional common sense to cure my severe stomach disorders...Fit for Life has changed my eating habits for the rest of my life."
J.M.
Midvale, Utah

"My husband and I have been on the Fit for Life bandwagon for 2 months - he has lost 29 pounds and looks and feels better than he has in years. I have lost 21 pounds and also feel wonderful. Fit for Life is a way of life! "
C.A.
Sparks, Nevada

From the forward by Edward A. Taub, M.D., F.A.A.P. an assistant clinical professor (at the time of the writing of Fit for Life) at the University of California:

"The human body should last for 140 years, or twice as long as our present life span"

and

"Food fuel is most efficient in the form provided by nature. There are no fields flowing with white bread and streams are not filled with Soft drinks."

How true my friends, reading just these first few pages I am appalled (with the way I eat and feed my kids), uplifted (because yes, there is hope) and humbled. God makes no mistakes and he created us to live a great existence. He gave our bodies the ability to keep us healthy and assist us in living our best lives ever, and we have done everything in our power to go against that.

So I have highlighted these little tidbits of hope and will post again soon.

Hasta muchachas and muchachos!

Following a book for a year? My Social Experiment on weight loss!

2009-06-03T13:59:00.007-04:00

Social Experiment. Needed:

1 Crazy Chick - That would be moi!

1 Book

1 YEAR! Oh wow, what am I getting myself into?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, I gained 10 pounds.

For the almost 10,000 visitors I've had since the inception of this blog you know I started it at 205 lbs, I just weighed myself yesterday and I now weigh 214.5 lbs :(

How is it that after almost 2 years, I actually ended up HEAVIER?!

Anyway about a week ago I started thinking about my struggle with my weight, and what I wanted to do about it.

What did I come up with?

Team Fat Girl: My Social Experiment on weight loss.

In this day and age of self help books, how to and top ten lists I have decided to follow the principals of a book on weight loss for an entire year.

Why? Because I'm FAT! That's why!

However, what with me being a wagon faller (falling off the wagon) and a procrastinator, I figured that blogging about my social experiment experiences will give me a better sense of accountability. Hmmm, we shall see.

I decided to follow the book I've chosen because of the following reasons:

1-If I knew what to do on my own I wouldn't be fat and getting fatter, so why not turn to the experts

2-The authors base their advice on #1 personal experience (They been there yo, they done that) and #2 on treating our bodies in a way that would be pleasing to God

After reading myriad books,blogs and magazine articles over the years this book still resonates with me and always gives me the AHA! moment most successful people claim to have before they: Lose 100 pounds, start a multi-million dollar business with a $20 investment in their attic or finally find the love of their lives.

I've touted this book for years, but this time around I am going to re-read it from COVER to COVER and follow the plan laid out.

The book?

Fit for Life by Harvey and Marilyn Diamond

Wish me luck and send a prayer up for me, mi gente. Besides the so sad weight gain, my cholesterol is dangerously high and I am like a year away from becoming diabetic.

I'm cracking the book open this evening.

Seriously, It boggles the mind how many visitors I get :) Thank you all for taking the time to read my blog

2008-10-27T14:54:00.006-04:00

Hey muchachas,

Wanted to give you all a heads up, my friend Theresa owns a Travel Publishing House and has just offered her first free drawing for a super awesome pendant and earring set. So visit the site, browse around, check out the wares and put your name in for a chance to win! Enter here for your chance to win, and spread the word. Just click on the "FREE DRAW" link on the left hand side of the Duffie Books Site.

Good Luck All!

Working out at Lunch Time

2008-08-29T09:51:00.003-04:00

Yesterday the News Director at my work asked me to be her lunch time work out buddy. We have a no frills gym by us that charges like 15 bucks a month with no contract. Her reasons for wanting to work out at her lunch hour 5 days a week is to get rid of her baby weight. Her baby, by the way, is just TOO adorable, Hi Sam!

At first glance, I guess it seems like a no-brainer, right?. A few bucks a month, a partner and the gym in close proximity. However I've just recently accepted an offer from a new publishing company to become their editor. And since I have a full time job, a family, along with my blogging and article writing, my schedule is pretty packed. My lunch hour and coming in about 30 minutes early is how I can balance all of these things without cutting too much into my family time.

But I do need to lose weight, so what is a girl to do? Quite a conundrum, sigh. I guess it will just take more determination. I'll have to mull it over though, because I believe in being honest with yourself, about yourself. I am NOT a morning person, so waking up at 5:30am will not work for me. Instead of "getting used to it" I will resent it and start hitting snooze instead of lacing up my Kix.

I am a night owl, I am more alert and more creative at night. The nights, after the kids are in bed, are what I am planning to use for my new editing position. But if ever there were a time to exercise for me, it would be at night.

And yes, I have read all of the information that states morning are the way to go. And for anyone who is a morning person, I agree. It lets you get your workout in at the start of the day, which gives you not only a sense of accomplishment but is also great since, hey, it's out of the way, it's already done. But it's just not me.

I'll let you know what I come up with since I am still miserable and still over 200 pounds :( And the kicker? My cousin's wedding is in like 6 weeks, GREAT!

Fit for Life and my Sister

2008-08-15T17:06:00.003-04:00

A few months back my sister called to tell me that she has been stuck at the 205lb mark. No matter what she ate or how much water she drank she wasn't seeing any more changes, the scale was stalled, she'd hit a plateau, and it was driving her Loca. Anywho, and yes I know its sounds hypocritical since I've fallen off the wagon so to speak, I suggested she give "Fit for Life" a try. At first she was really hesitant, said she couldn't imagine feeling satisfied if she couldn't have her arroz y pollo (rice and chicken) together, etc. So I said, well, Just try it for a week, if you don't like it then stop.

A week later I checked in and she said that although there was no change on the scale she felt a lot better and had a ton more energy. So she was up for giving it another 2 weeks or so. Long story short?! She's hooked :)

It's now been another 2 months, so almost 3 months total time since she started to eat the "Fit for Life" way and not only did she break the 205lb wall, she surpassed it indeed. And before you say "I thought the pounds melted off when you did it", they did. Every one is different and for my sister it's harder to lose weight. Big picture though is that a sensible "regular" low fat diet was doing nothing and "Fit for Life" broke that barrier for her.

As of last night she is officially at 191lbs. you GO mama! I am so happy for her, she's a beautiful girl and looks better with every passing day.

As you well know, this is NOT my first post singing the praises of Fit for Life and I have to find my own motivation again to get back on it. In the interest of full disclosure, I have added a link to buy the "Fit for Life" book through my blog on Amazon. Why? because I really believe that this program can change lives and if my readers are going to give it a try I would love for them to help this single mom out while doing it.

Thanks Guys and big ups to my lil sis in Colorado!

Laterz!

Writing for Associated Content? Yep!

2008-08-14T11:24:00.005-04:00

Hey everyone, I just want to give all of my faithful readers a big thanks and a head up. I have been writing articles for Associated Content and I have 2 already published with 8 more to be reviewed. The first one is about Affordable Entertaining and the other is about my last vacation to Orlando which was planned on a budget. If you think these articles might help you or someone you know, feel free to click on the links.

And check back soon as I will of course have articles on weight loss tips, stories and goals.

Thanks guys

Whack Attack

2008-05-14T16:37:00.005-04:00

Hey everyone, I have been gone since last October. And guess what and why??? Cuz I am STILL FAT! lol. That is terrible, I know.

Anyway, today I was shopping online for bikes for my kids and saw one that I liked for me. Hmmm, A fatty on a bike. I'll really have to think about this. But it was so pretty, all old fashioned looking and stuff :) The kind I would see on TV and wish my mom could afford to get me when I was a kid in the Bronx :(

Why is it all so friggin hard? Anyway this past few months, the reason I slacked off on everything? I became a grandmother. I love the baby soooooooooooo much, my cutey patutty. But it was a rough patch and we are just now getting back to being okay.

Anywho, thanks for still visiting, I was surprised, but I've gotten a few hundred hits even with the site being dormant for so long. I supposed I have more sisters in the struggle than I thought.

Email me, leave a comment, let me know how you guys are doing in this, the battle of the bulge 2008!

Laterz

I did it!

2007-10-11T10:00:00.001-04:00

I walked twice 'round le block last night :)

I'm fat, lol, I can't believe that the woman huffing and puffing it last night is the same woman that used to do 20 minutes of the stair climber, a 50 minutes step class and 20 minutes of weights, every time I went to the gym, sometimes 6 days a week.

Sheesh, seriously, if you don't use, it you lose it. And I lost it big time.

Then I remember how outta shape I was at the start of it all those years ago and how I gradually got stronger and healthier and I feel better.

I was thinking back to a slap in the face I got a few months ago. In the summer of 2006 My sister, friends and I and our kids took a vacation to Orlando. We had a blast, we did Universal almost every day, to me those two parks are the best, and the older kids prefer them as well. All in all we have a grand ole time.

They did Disney for a day and we shopped and ate and swam till all hours. Anyway, a few months after we returned home, I go to the Bronx to visit one of my best friends and she pulls out her vacation pics.

Needless to say, I was mortified. Now listen I KNOW I'm a big gal, seriously I do, but when I saw that photo I wanted to cry. When had I gotten THAT big you know? And is that how every one else sees me? I always thought I was doing a bang up job of hiding the fat rolls and the belly. Have I mentioned before how I am cursed with the body type in which I gain 80% of my weight in my belly and always look about 6 months pregnant? Well I do, and I hate it. And apparently I wasn't doing such a great job of hiding the mass that is me either :(

The bathing suit photo was the most horrendous and I immediately ordered her to destroy it. Well, the nasty little biatch wouldn't. I can really hate her sometimes, she instead offered it up for incentive. Said I should tape it to my fridge to inspire me to thinness and stop me from snacking. Okay, now she's my friend again.

I can't even remember whether I took the picture or not, but it brought a damper to my weekend, let me just tell you that!

Just thought I'd share that with you since it was on my lind last night.

In case you were wondering, no, I don't plan on regaling you with my daily dinner menu, but if it's something that turned out really delish or something a little off the beaten path, I'll tell you about it.

I didn't think my kids would go for this one, but they did :)

We had "goodwiches" for dinner last night. Ingredients? Everything you usually eat on a sandwich minus the meat and cheese (remember "Fit for Life"). Mine was Italian bread, light mayo, lettuce, tomatoes and onion. My son had bread, mayo and lettuce and my daughter the same.

So great, light and filling.

I've added a list of weight loss fiction that I've read and liked, hope you do too.

Have a healthy day.

Laterz!

Inspired by the Apartment Walker and The Biggest Loser

2007-10-10T11:25:00.001-04:00

Years and years ago my aunt told me about her friend’s husband who had lost upwards of 100 pounds walking in his apartment. Not house, mind you, an apartment. He was uncomfortable hitting the pavement in New York City along side the skinny minnie's and so instead he created a workout for himself.

He bought some walking kix and a Walkman (I told you it was year ago - lol). Then he proceeded to walk around his place like a mad man an hour a day. And guess what? IT WORKED.

You always hear that you should incorporate exercise into your daily routine. It's been said that even if you're too busy to do a consistent amount of time, you can break it up into 10 minutes increments and get the same benefits.

So, last night as I was watching The Biggest Loser, and they spoke about consistency being key to success I decided to test the theory. A consistent 10 minutes here and 10 minutes there should show some improvement to not only my weight but my overall health.

Side Bar: Dinner was totally Fit for Life, cabbage, salad and baked chicken seasoned with fresh garlic and oregano, and kosher salt. You should try it, it was sooooo delish :)

After work today I will be walking. Now remember that I am outta shape like a mutha. However, drum roll please, I will attempt to walk around my block at least twice.

And NO, twice around the block will in no way get me ready for a marathon. But I figure it this way, for someone as sedentary as I am, that is a huge step, no pun intended. I mean it's a lot for a women, ahem, I mean gal ;) like me that is huffing and puffing while trying to keep up with my kids at the mall.

But you know I already don't want to do it right? LOL - I'm thinking of a hundred reasons I shouldn't even attempt it, but I have to resist the urge to do that same thing every day and expect different results.

And it is supposed to rain which is my biggest excuse, and though I love the rain, I don't like wet sticky clothes clinging to my Fat-tabulous body. If it does rain, I will rip a page from the Apartment Walker and crank up some music and walk around my house.

Wish me luck mi gente,

Laterz!

Weekend Warrior

2007-10-08T13:14:00.002-04:00

I hope everyone had a fantabulous weekend!

We had a birthday dinner for my daughter and had a blast. My mom cooked most of the food so I fell off the wagon on Saturday but got right back up on Sunday, I DID! Geesh

I wonder if any one else has used the Fit for Life program with any success? I did a few years back, okay, okay, almost a friggin decade ago, geesh! Bust my chops why dontcha!?

Anyway, I figure it like this, if 30 is the new 20 I have just a good a chance as the next gal or guy right!? :)

Some inspiration for my crew:

And yes, I know celebs have it easier since they have the money for a personal trainer, a chef, etc. But no matter how much money they have they still have to do the work themselves just like us. Celebrity or not, if they sneak a pizza at 2 am or fore go the elliptical then the pounds will stay or creep up, period!

So if they can WE CAN! :)

Laterz!

My bad!

2007-10-05T11:12:00.002-04:00

So I've been gone for a month and needed to jump back on and extend my apologies, Sorry guys, :( Now let's get down to it, shall we?

I have been very busy this last month and have a surprise in store for all of you Soon-isht :)

Now, now, don't be nosey, you must wait.

So what's up in my world?

Well, I started eating properly combined foods a la "Fit for Life" and even my kids are on board! While we aren't following it to a tee, we are doing the proper combinations for dinner only, the results have been wonderful.

My son and I used to wake up with lead legs, you know, where you are literally dragging your legs for about 10 minutes until it lets up. Well now that is a problem no longer people. Also it was always a chore to get out of bed in the morning period, for all of us. Feeling tired and sluggish, but now when the alarm clock goes off and I'm up and ready to slip out of bed, bright eyed and bushy tailed. I wake them up and instead of "mom, please, 5 more minutes", they simply, get up, no muss, no fuss. :)

I want to delve into the complete program little by little because it is difficult to do in the beginning, so our next step will be only fruit for breakfast on the weekends.

Also, since I bring leftovers to work, Mon-Fri, I've been following the program for both lunch and dinner and this, I believe, is why my pants aren't as tight as usual. I don't know how much I've lost exactly since I don't own a scale but I know I've lost something, and that's enough for me:)

Like I said, I am busy as a bee, but I actually miss posting so I will do my best to make time to bore you with my mundane escapades as often as I possibly can :)

Laterz!

Can I get a WHAT, WHAT?!

2007-09-04T11:22:00.002-04:00

Hope everyone had a fantabulous long weekend :) I stayed in most of it, read, also did a little shopping on Sunday, hung out with my kiddies and visited my sister on Saturday.

And no, I was not subjected to the torturous Barbecue :) YAY for moi. Aint it grand?! Not because I "chickened out" either, like a friend of mine accused me of. She's always been a nasty Puerto Rican :) She decided not to throw the party for her man, why? Who knows, who cares, as long as I was spared.lol

On to the business of the day, MEN! I received an email from a friend of mine in the great state of Texas. She has been doing really well with her exercise regimen and eating a lot better and has even seen results. And she knows, intellectually that when you are in the middle of a weight loss/health program your body is a work in progress. I mean she really knows, she is a friggin' nurse, so seriously, SHE KNOWS!

But how many times have I said that knowing something logically doesn't necessarily mean that we can shut off our feelings? Many, becasue it just doen't matter what you know, sometimes it's all about how you feel.

Anyway, she is in a store and notices a man, (just some random dude) checking her out, can I get a what, what?!. This, of course, make her nervous while making her very happy, indeed.

So she starts adjusting herself, a little self conscious. I mean who is he looking at, her? really, or perhaps someone over her shoulder, or that 20-something she saw a minute ago? Anywho, she starts for the door and get this, he runs across the store, knocks down a vieja (old lady) jumps a hurdle of small children and huffing and puffing, he grabs the door and holds it open for her.

Okay, okay, it didn't happen quite like that :) LOL

However he did hold the door open for her and was smiling. She is thinking "What a gentleman", and smiles back. And in the few seconds this thought is floating through her mind, he is still smiling, while studying her purty face, his gaze lowers to "the girls" as most men's do, and yep, he is STILL smiling. Now by this time she is feeling just great. A man other than her man is appreciative of her beauty, of her efforts, wow! And then he glances down to what she refers to as her "pooch" and then BAM! He looks away with what she describes as "a look of disappointment".

And what happened? Well my friend gets pissed and walks away without a backward glance, but she left upset with her weight, all she was thinking was "Asshole"!

My point is this, though we shouldn't let them, our surroundings and interactions DO shape us and our moods. Before the jerk wad made his "face" she was on cloud nine. Happy with her progress thus far, feeling sexy and strutting her stuff. After "the face" she spiraled down into a completely different mood. And it all happen in the blink of an eye with just one look :(

MEN! Why couldn't he just have kept smiling that extra nano-seond and parted ways?

Don't worry mama, you are still fly :) Don't let the haters get ya down.

Laterz!

Long Weekend Ahead...

2007-08-30T16:13:00.001-04:00

So, I got a call from a friend inviting me to a barbecue/birthday party this weekend. And I really see now, how my weight affects everything I do. It affects my social life in the sense that I don't have one. I will go and visit a friend or family member but I detest gatherings. It wasn't always like that, I wasn't always like that.

I just hate being the big girl at the party, you know? I always feel uncomfortable, like every one is staring at me. Should I eat before hand, should I stick to water, how early can I leave without looking bad? All questions I ponder every friggin' time I go somewhere.

'Cuz, seriously, who can have a good time when they don't feel as if they fit it? Not me, that's for sure. And it doesn't help that I recently developed a few rolls of film I found around my house and saw myself about 65 lbs lighter. I look so pretty, not to toot my own horn or anything (TOOT - TOOT!!!!).

Not only was I thinner, I was happy, my skin was radiant, my outfit fabulous, of course! You see, it's a whole package with me apparently, black or white, no "in between".

Okay, so I'm fat, why can't I find the elusive "it" and still take care of myself? Why do I live in stretch pants, sweats and hoodies when I'm not at work (and sometimes even when I am)?

I don't know, but I will be doing a lot of soul searching this weekend, because I'm tired of thinking that only thin women can be pretty or have fun or be desired. I mean logically, I know this, but emotionally I have to catch up.

As for the party, am I going? Yes, I am, but I don't wanna. And that's the truth :(

In case I don't get to log on again, have a great weekend!

Laterz!

I missed you all and guess I've been missed as well :)

2007-08-27T10:43:00.001-04:00

Hey there everyone,

That "flu" I told you guys about wasn't a flu at all. I have been sick for what feels like ever. I was down and out for the count with a terrible Staph Infection. At least that's what my doctor said, but when I researched it it seems to be a skin condition, so who knows. But, thank God, I do feel better, though I am still on antibiotics for the next couple of days.

I wanted to share with everyone, that when I was at the doctor's office, he weighed me and I GAINED, what the F%*&! I was so sick, but no matter, after I was weighed that was most prominent on my mind and it that made me so sad. I was happy to finally get some medication that would help me, but all I was thinking about as I was glued to my couch, coughing, sneezing, dripping from my nose and drooling like a teen-aged boy looking at a Playboy, was that I was miserable. How is it even friggin' possible to gain when you are sick and barely eating for days?

For starters I drink water, a friggin' whole lot o'water at that! Isn't that a fat cleanser? Well, isn't it?! and I walk all the time too. So okay, I'm not doing an hour of cardio a day, but aren't small changes supposed to have SOME effect? And even if they didn't, how is it fair to gain. I was flabbergasted.

Oh, did you want to know how much I gained? A pound, yep I was 206lbs as of last Monday :(

Damn that doctors scale! ('Cause, of course, that's the problem, not me and my habits-lol)

Anyway while I do feel better, I am still not 100% and I think I wanna lay my head down a la kindergarten class.

Laterz!

Pill Popper-Tee hee

2007-08-17T15:48:00.001-04:00

Hola my Peeps

I have been out of it the past couple of days. Good news though, I did get that part and my car is now back on the road :) Man for being a city girl without a license up until 3 years ago, I now feel trapped without a car. Laundry was put on hold, grocery shopping and going to the movies. All at a stand still because I had no car, what the f%$& is that?!

PLEASE NOTE: These things have now all been taken care of :)

But a lot of it has to do with my weight (gee, what a surprise), see I have no qualms about taking a bus, I mean I lived in New York my entire life, public transportation is nothing new, you know? But I feel vulnerable walking places or waiting for a bus. I mean, what if my ex boyfriend sees me? UGH! the horror.

You may be asking yourself if I am still hung up on him, well, the answer is, no, I'm not. However, my friends and I have this rule you see, "never let an ex see you sweat, never". Translation; If you must see your ex, you must look fabulous! And yeah, okay, we started this rule when we were a lot younger but still, it sits within and paralyzes me. I mean logically I know that it doesn't matter what I look like when I see him because there is a reason he is my ex. I didn't want him then and I surely don't now, but still, it's ingrained in me.

Now that my car is alive and well again, I suppose this is neither here nor there, until the next time that is :)

On another note, I was attacked by the flu yesterday morning and I mean full blown attack mode. In the past when I've been plagued with the influenza, it came slowly over a few days but this was like WAM! I was fine one minute and the next I was disoriented, dizzy and burning up with my throat slowly closing on me. I got some Cold and Flu meds and started popping pills like Elizabeth Taylor, word! I have to work for a living after all. I'm still feeling quite terrible, but I will pop a few more pills and take the kids to the movies (only because I already promised pre-flu outbreak), after that it's bed time for me.

Have a fab weekend

Laterz!

Ugh, so not Chubby Friendly!

2007-08-14T10:56:00.001-04:00

Hello, Hello, Hello

So I was at a junkyard yesterday, or what I lovingly refer to as an Automobile Graveyard. Have you ever been to one? This was my first time and it was, um, an experience. Though I must admit that it was laid out well, no car piling at all. Like a classy junkyard, if you will.

First off the "warning" sign simply states this:

No open toed shoes

Que, que?

Now, what did your girl have on? Well I was rockin' some capris (navy blue) a tank top (Baby Blue) layered under a brown tee and slip-on shoes. Suffice it to say that I was dressed totally wrong.

Anyway, I was searching for an alternator because, #1, I am a poor Puerto Rican and #2, I also refuse to buy a brand new anything for a car that I am almost surely selling in a couple of months.

Anywho, get this, after a million years, I found what I needed, right make, model and year. I actually found 3 of these cars, 2 had alternators and one looked almost new. I was like, score!!! However in true moi fashion I didn't have the foresight to bring any tools and the auto cemetery employees will NOT LEND TOOLS, sucios. I was so pissed at myself, hello, how smart is it not to bring tools? And so with a bowed head and empty hands, I left.

Cut to me hoping that they are still there today when I go back, armed and ready to get that damned part. And by "I", of course I mean my sisters boyfriend. lol

And in case you’re wondering, those places are so not chubby friendly, especially on a hot day. Ay nena, I was constantly taking off the slip-on’s because rocks kept slipping in. And the heat! A sistah was sweating and there is no respite for the weary. It's like being in the army and trying to get back to camp safely. The place was so big that you could loose your way with one wrong turn, I am SO taking bread crumbs today to be able to find my way back :)

And oh yeah, I am sporting my kix (not from New York? that means sneakers- Note: “kicks” also used :) I needs me some grip. Plus I may have to fight for my car part, you should see the guys that were there. This is how they make their living, they buy quality parts off of totaled luxury vehicles and then sell them online. Smart:) But I'll still throw down for mine, ya know?!

'Kay, well, wish me luck yall,

Laterz

What if...

2007-08-13T13:18:00.001-04:00

What if the celebrities we look up to, the ones our daughters emulate, were fat?

I was reading the book "Alternate Beauty" and thought, what if? In the book, the protagonist is overweight and miserable. I don’t want to give it away in case you'd like to read it, but she enters into another world in which fat is not only the epitome of beauty, but thin women are actually shunned. Hmmm. Perhaps I could get used to that world, lol.

But, no, I couldn't really. I mean I have said it before, no matter what, you must be comfortable with your body to feel free and sexy. And in our world or the Alternate Beauty world, I am so NOT comfortable. But it's nice to have the fantasty :)

I think my favorite of the above fabu-fatties is Elizabeth Hurley.

I wonder if men would still drool over these women if they actually were heavy? LOL

Laterz!

A Rose by any other name....

2007-08-09T07:58:00.001-04:00

"What’s in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name, would smell as sweet."

If it's true (and it is) that a rose would still smell as sweet, even being called by another name, are we not the same person no matter what size the tag on our jeans say? Well, yes, we are, in theory.

See what makes me, and a lot of women (big and small) unhappy about our weight has nothing to do with our personalities, hearts or wit. I just read a comment by a reader that said she is happy with herself and that yes, she is a "big girl". Kudos, my dear. I'm a little envious actually, because I know that feeling. That feeling of "I AM", flowers smell sweeter, wine crisper, a friends laughter becomes infectious, and all because when one is happy with oneself they are able to appreciate the things and people in their lives.

Growing up in America little girls are indoctrinated into the cult of "You can never be too thin". Magazines, books, television, movies, and in some cases your own family. I, am one of those little girls. And though I fancy myself to be intelligent (no snide remarks here Jazzy-tee hee) I still feel that way. And before you think that my ideal is to look like Nicole Richie, it is not. I meant in the sense that I feel, while not ugly, unbeautiful, (is that even a word?) at my current weight.

While I applaud the Monique's of the world (you go mama) that love themselves and exude confidence no matter their size, I'm just not there. Intellectually I understand that being fat and being confident are not mutually exclusive. However, I admit, that intellect is usually not something I take into consideration when I look in the mirror.

Will I ever? Well that's a question for the ages. I just don't know. I do know that while I can always see the beauty in people of all sizes, I generally take a compliment about my looks at this size, with a grain of salt. My own personal issue people. Something I must work through.

And just to end this on a funny note, because I can:

This one guy found my blog by typing the following into a search engine: "FAT GIRLS NUDE BEACH". ewe, right?

Okay gotta get me una taza de cafe con leche cuz a sistah is nasty without it at this hour. I am SO not a morning person. Tough to tell I know :)

Laterz!

El Cantante

2007-08-07T08:12:00.001-04:00

Six Degrees of Seperation

By definition: Six degrees of separation refers to the idea that, if a person is one "step" away from each person he or she knows and two "steps" away from each person who is known by one of the people he or she knows, then everyone is no more than six "steps" away from each person on Earth.

And so it is. Where I live, I will not be able to see "El Cantante", the movie I've most been waiting for. I know what you're thinking too, "Ay bendito, la pobre". Well, thank you for your concern, I will somehow struggle and get through :). I, of course, called my Titi in New Jersey to whine about it, and we ended up getting into a discussion about the film and the actors etc.

Anywaysssss, guess what I learned? That I almost, kind of, not quite but close, more or less "know" Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony. Yep, 'tis true. lol

Six Degrees in practice:
1- I know my Aunt (duh)
2- She is best friends with "S"
3-"S" has a sister that is married to Yomo Toro
4-Yomo Toro was in El Cantante with Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony

TA DA! Aren't I impressive? I mean how many people can say that they kind of know 2 huge stars AND back it up with proof? Seriously, I mean how fab is it that..........oh wait, based on the definition I started this out with I guess EVERYONE can make that statement and back it up. Damn!!! Damn!!! Damn!!!

Back to the movie, if I get to visit my mom soon (NYC) I will get to see the Story of Mr. Lavoe in a theatre but alas, I do believe I'll be awaiting the DVD with bated breath.

Perhaps I can occupy my time with how I "know" other movie stars I like, let's see, there's Joaquin Phoenix, Bruce Willis and Debra Messing, Armand Assante and.......

Or maybe I should do some Tae Bo, hmmmm.

Laterz!

Oh the Horror!

2007-08-06T10:19:00.001-04:00

Hope you had a great weekend. I, myself, had a quiet weekend. Stayed in most of the weekend, which is just fine by me. However I did have a scare. My sister and her boyfriend were thinking of going to a local lake to have a cook out and enjoy the weather and the water. Thankfully he got a last minute invite to New York City by some of his friends and so they postponed the cook out. Phew!

Are you thinking to yourself, “This chicks got a screw loose”? Well I don’t. The reason it is so scary to me, is because I have a huge complex (no pun intended) about me in a bathing suit. (Okay, obviously not me, but you get the picture) Blah! And if you saw me in a bathing suit you would say the same thing.

Do I have any pictures? Hell NO! lol

I went on vacation last year with some friends and our kids, I was comfortable because I was among friends and I hit the pool a couple of nights in my new suit and just enjoyed myself. And then all of that fell apart when the pics were developed.

OH MY GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Terrible, I looked like a friggin' beached whale. I was horrified. I also threatened their very lives if they showed anyone. I trashed my copies immediately.

Now, why didn’t I keep them, post them on the fridge and turn a negative into a positive? Well according to my old therapist it’s because my fat is my weapon of choice against the possibility of having my heart broken again. No joke, this is what she said.

I was asking why she thinks that it has been so difficult for me since I moved up here to shed the pounds, to stop smoking (I had stopped for 9 years) to get healthy. Her answer shocked me, I hate being fat, why would I force myself to stay this way? Because my last relationship so shattered me mentally and emotionally, I packed on the pounds as a shield against another relationship. Do I believe her? Yeah, sometimes, but I still have to take responsibility and change my life.

In my minds eye, even though I know it ISN’T true (my mom is full figured and has a boyfriend, a younger one at that – Go mommy!) I feel that being fat keeps men away. No Attraction, no men, no dates, no emotion, no heart break. I’m Safe.

However, I still think that I should be able to dedicate myself completely to getting healthy and stick to it. Am I better than before? Yes, I am actually, I do walk a lot more, and I drink at least 1/2 gallon of water daily. But I can be doing so much more. I start a program and I am all gung ho about it for a week or a month and then I slack off.

People’s advice? Start slow, you didn’t gain the weight over night, you aren’t going to lose it overnight. Don’t ya just hate common sense? lol

And this is why I was relieved when he went to NYC and my sister postponed. Will I be Halle Berry by next weekend? Nah, but it still felt like a reprieve.

And I have to get another counselor, my old one may have told me WHAT my problem is, now I need some help learning how to go about fixing it so I can stop sabotaging myself.

'Cuz you know what? I absolutely adore the water, the pool, the lake, the ocean, love it all. And I haven't let myself truly enjoy any of it in 4 years. Four years is a long time, and enough is enough you know?

Laterz!

Thin-Spiration!

2007-08-03T08:41:00.001-04:00

Happy Friday!

I Realized this morning that I hadn't mentioned my unmentionables and decided that this is just unacceptable :) So anyway, most women have a thin-spiration outfit, a dress, a sexy cat suit, a pair of "skinny" jeans that they hang up on the closet door for inspiration. I suppose I have some of those as well. Like I mentioned once before, I have a closet full of clothes that I used to wear, would actually love to wear again, you know?

I may not have an entire outfit to thin-spire me but what I do have is this purty pair of panties :) Aren't they just too cute!!

Back story on why this is what I purchased as my thin-spiration:

Once upon a time there was a sassy boriqua from the Bronx that was not at all happy with her weight, and no, she was not obese, merely a little overweight. So she makes a decision to get fit one day while shopping with her tiny waisted friend. She then embarked on a healthy eating strategy of her own design and joined a gym. Cut to about 7 weeks later and Ms. Sassy entering Victoria’s Secret for the very first time. She leaves with a to-die-for bra and panty set all pink and lacy for only $90. So it s not La Perla, so what, for a single mom, that is a lot of money. But it was worth it when she stepped out of the shower the next morning and slipped them on. They fit like a glove and she felt like the models in the V.S. catalog, about 8 inches shorter, but still. Shopping for exquisite under things became an obsession, a happy sexy obsession.

I know you must be asking yourself, what does the sassy boriqua wear under her jeans now? Well, I wear one of my many "grandma" panties. They were buy one pack get one free from Wal-mart and they came 6 to a pack. They are cotton, they are huge, they are freakishly similar to maternity panties, AND NO I'M NOT PREGNANT. Whaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!

So sexy? Not so much.

As I reminisced about my fabulous unmentionables of yester year I knew that making these cutie pattutie panties my very own thin-spiration, was what was in order.

Note: The one I bought is actually a vibrant aqua blue with hot pink trimming. But they are the same style, hipsters.

Can't ya just picture them?

So if you want to lose weight and have a thin-spiration outfit you'd like to share, feel free to do so in the comment area.

That would be the word "comments" right beneath each post, the area where no one ever leaves a message on. I feel really lonely out here in Blogger world. No one stops in to say hi. LOL

Well, even if you don’t…

Have a great weekend,

Laterz

To help or not to help, that is the question.

2007-08-02T08:29:00.002-04:00

Why do men run across a parking lot to hold the door open for a slim and trim muchacha, yet hold that same door open only long enough to get through themselves when there is a "unattractive" (beauty is in the eyes of the beholder ladies) or fat woman right behind them?

Okay now, I am obviously not saying ALL men, but a lot, enough for me to write about it.

One of the things that irked my last Puerto Rican nerve was the difference between my last two moves. For the first move in this comparison I was thin and (gasp!, surprise of surprises) had more help than I actually needed for the amount of things that I was taking with me. I actually couldn't believe how many people volunteered since my mom kept saying that you have to ask people in advance to lock down just one or two. And when I got to my new place my new neighbor and his friends were practically tripping over themselves to help.

Cut to my last move a few months ago where I am looking like the Puerto Rican, Pre-Bob Greene, Oprah, and no one offered to help. There were quite a few male neighbors out and not a one offered, not even when my very pregnant sister was maneuvering her way inside with box after box.

I think that common courtesy and chivalry are now being exercised on a case-by-case basis ladies, so beware. And oh yeah, in my case, I gets NO HELP! LOL

But on a happier note, my darlin' friend from Texas, informed me this morning that her size 16's are loose on her, and though she steadfastly refuses to stalk a certain, very delicious Mr. McConaughey on my behalf (You just wait until you want me to stalk someone for you, so NOT gonna happen), I am still excited for her! You go mama :)

And yeah, there are obviously more important things happening in our world, however this is something that bothers me, so I decided to share.

Laterz!

Star Jones had Surgery? You Don't Say!

2007-08-01T10:31:00.001-04:00

So I read yesterday that, OMG! what a friggin surprise, Star Jones admits to having had gastric bypass surgery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Raise your hand if you didn't already know this? Exactly!

Now listen, I am not one to knock down anyone for having the surgery. My best friends' brother had the surgery and looks Fab! You GO boy, Mucho sexy!

But here's my thing, and even Ms. Jones agrees (seriously, I read it in her interview), why lie about it when you were so open, honest and loud about everything else? I mean the fact that she hid it for so long is just a tad bit loco if you ask me.

And hmmmm, not that I'm a publicist or anything, but how ironic that after years of deny, deny, deny, she finally comes clean when her name and her pic are becoming a hazy and distant memory. You have to admit, she has been put on the back burner of La La Land and the fantabulously annoying paparazzi since right after she left "The View".

And then, BAM! She decides to tell all and she is back in the limelight. Very smart mademoiselle or monsieur Publicist, very smart indeed. Gotta have respect for anyone that can get a "star's" name mentioned when they aren't working on anything of note or attached to anything. Bravo, my dear, Bravo!

Seriously, if I had any need for a publicist and, you know, the ability to actually pay one, I would call that cat up with the quickness.

But I digress; I was bothered simply because as a celebrity, her vehement denial could have, and probably did, affect others. Others that have done the surgery as well as the ones that are looking to the surgery as a chance to get healthy again. She made it seem dirty, wrong, something to be hidden. Kinda like my parents did with sex when we were growing up. lol

Do I like Star Jones? Why, yes, I do. I think that she is educated, funny and a fashionista. What's not to like?!

However, since I have been heard to ask myself aloud recently, why I am not as good a person as I want to be (don't ask), I will say, "Better late than never Star, so thanks. I'm sure you will help many with your story".

Does she give a crap about my opinion? I would have to say, that no, she doesn't, but I am still entitled to one :)

Laterz!

Experiment: Dressing Fat, Yay or Nay?

2007-07-31T14:21:00.001-04:00

Okay so, as I was getting dressed for work the other day I realized that I "Dress Fat". What does dressing fat mean? Well, in my case it means that while trying to camouflage my fat, "my rolls", if you will, I layer. I layer as well as wear baggy clothes, très attractive, no?

I, of course, do this, in hopes of deflecting prying eyes from my "chichos" (love handles and generally any rolled fat area). However, as I stood in front of my daughters full length mirror (I have no mirror in my bedroom for obvious reasons) I saw that in fact, my attempts to conceal "the bod" were failing miserably. By layering, adding sweaters and hoodies, and wearing sweat pants and tee-shirts 2 sizes too big, I was actually making myself look bigger, how ironic.

Do I feel comfortable? Yep!

Do I feel constricted? Nope!

Should I stop dressing like this and start accentuating my positive attributes (my cleavage, my calves, my face) Yep!

Am I? Nope! LOL

And it's not that I am crazy, it's that I prefer to look, well, not so great, than to be self conscious because my clothes are form fitting, read: tight.

But I did experiment this weekend. I was shopping with my sister in law and my daughter and I saw the cutest pair of wedge open toed sandals, and damned if they weren't on sale, so I scooped them up.

I was invited to a lunch bar-b-que by my sister and her man for Sunday and after accepting the invite I was also invited to dinner at a friends', which I also accepted. I mean this would give me double research opportunity, so yes, yes, yes.

Okay, so it's Sunday and I glammed myself up, for the first time in eons, I must admit. Anyway, I slipped on my cute shorts, and no, they were NOT Daisy Duke Booty shorts, they were classy knee length soft cotton, my very own size, so yes, form fitting. I added an orange cleavage enhancing tank top, very tight (you know, so "the girls" would stand up at attention-lol) and a brown lacy over top. I slipped into my purty new shows, complete with red ribbon ties around the ankle (I'm not color blind or fashion challenged the shoes had orange, red, blue and yellow in them). I swept my hair into that adorable messy movie star bun that usually only comes out when you aren't trying to achieve the look, threw on my Jackie O over sized glasses and went on my way.

I get to the bar-b-que and there are 2 men about my age sitting in the front room. I breezed by them while simultaneously saying hello and saw that they were both checking out the booty, (insert smile here), peripheral vision, and I must admit it was a little darker than usual in that room for some reason, so it probably skewed their view. After that my sister’s boyfriend commented that I had dressed up, and my sister said she loved my shows. Now here is where I interject and mention that as long as I've been heavy, the only compliments I get are for my hair, my shoes, my bags and my sunglasses.

When we were in the back yard chatting, another friend of theirs parked and looked toward the back, spotted me and smiled. But as he got closer and the bod came into clear focus for him, his smile vanished and he asked where her boyfriend was. She answered and he went inside.

When at my friends house for dinner she said I looked pretty, and her niece said my shoes were "hot".

Experiment concluded with the following results. Even in my form fitting clothes and my hair done, I am still invisible, but a worse invisible than the day I was at the beach. When no one acknowledges you, it's bad enough. But when they notice your "pretty face" and then turn tail and run after they see the body that accompanies it, it hurts a little more, you know?

So for now, I will continue to wear whatever pleases me and onlookers be damned. I have never believed that a woman should dress solely for the purpose of getting a man's attention anyway. I believe in dressing for myself and that is what I always did when I was thin. The fact that I got male attention and compliments was merely the cherry on top.

And until I get my life and my body back I will dress the way I have been, for comfort.

And to the men that discount women because of weight, I can not speak for my sisters in the struggle, but for me, I have never and will never knowingly go out with a man that passed me over when I was heavy.

Unfair? Perhaps, but no one said life was fair.

Laterz

Fat Girl at the Beach

2007-07-19T09:36:00.001-04:00

Sooooo, I was "Down The Shore" (If you're not from the East Coast this means the New Jersey Shore, beach, boardwalk, amusement park) this weekend taking my son to my aunt's house. He is staying with them for a couple of weeks and before we headed back home, we drove to the boardwalk. Ay nena, why? WHY did I agree?

Now let me set this up for you guys, I only brought comfort clothes with me because #1 I'm fat and hate tight clothes and #2 because I was under the impression that I would drive there, hang out with my family then drive home. So my wardrobe consisted of sweat pants, pajama pants and t-shirts. Now of course, every other women my age (30's) is taking the "30 is the new 20" to heart and sporty bikinis and looking fly. Whoa is me.

Anyway, we go to the boardwalk and there I am, all glorious 205 lbs of me and during those 2 hours I realized that, as big as I am, I am completely invisible to men. My mom is a big woman and men break their necks to get a glimpse of her wherever she is at, she's stunning. And okay now, I do understand the confidence factor (or lack thereof in my case) is important. I also understand that because I felt like a schlump with my men's PJ pants and Tee, my hair in a bun and sneakers, I may have been sending out "please ignore me" signals. But for not ONE friggin' guy to look? Seriously! Whatever!

Anyway I was sitting there and people watching and I saw like a hundred Hottie Gotti look a likes, too cute (I love Italian men). It was a nice day and the kids had a blast and all, but I left feeling low about myself. I was also pissed at myself. I started picturing how completely different that short 2 hours would have been had I been at my Pre-Move weight. I say Pre-Move because I gained most of this weight when I left the Tri-State area and moved upstate.

What would the differences have been? Well, first off I would have been dressed a lot more appropriately for the beach/boardwalk, shorts and a tank top, so I would have been less uncomfortable. Secondly I would not have given a second though to what men were doing, if they stared or ignored me wouldn't have mattered. And just so ya know, I wouldn't have been ignored, just saying! yep, I'm Just Saying! LOL

On the drive home I was listening to some old school hip hop and free style music and decided to start this blog. Why? I don't really know, I guess to share my perspective on every day things through the eyes of a fat girl. Perhaps to let other women know that they aren't alone.

I will say this though, I'm so tired of it all. I have this adorable size 6 Anne Klein little black dress in my closet and what do I wear when I have a function? Well, if I absolutely, no way around it, HAVE TO GO! Then I get my size 16/18 butt in a pair of black pants with elastic (Stacey and Clinton would be horrified) and a black button down shirt. Every time, every SINGLE time!

So this was a typical day at the beach for this fat girl. Hope you guys are enjoying your beach adventures more than I did.

Laterz

Hola Muchachas! What's up?!

2007-07-18T09:33:00.001-04:00

As you can tell by my Blog title, I am Puerto Rican and overweight. Now, in a world in which people of all races admire, adore and lust after a certain Ms. Jennifer Lopez, this ain't cute. When I was growing up in the Bronx I never thought about being a fat adult. But I guess eating what we (boriquas) eat, unless I was careful there really was no way around it. All of my friends have had a continuing struggle with their weight as well. My mom, my sister, even my brother.

And though there are some very beautiful heavyset women out there, women who are comfortable in their skin and love their bodies, I am not one of them. I hate feeling fatigued, not being able to wear 90% of my wardrobe (yes! I kept my skinny clothes, y que?), being invisible to the opposite sex and not feeling like a good example for my kids.

Medically it's tough as well, and yes, Honesty Alert: I smoke. I know I shouldn't, I've tried to quit like a zillion times and still smoke. And like any true NewYorican that does, I smoke Newports UGH! I also have high cholesterol for over a year now.

At 205 lbs on my 5'1" frame I am miserable. I'm depressed, y no puedo mas.

I felt this way once before and though I was nowhere near 205 lbs (this is my heaviest weight ever) I was still unhappy. I decided to lose weight and get healthy and I did. And you know what? I want that feeling back. Feeling like I could take on the world, the great feeling of looking into my closet and being able to slide into a size 6 dress for my friends wedding, feeling like the prettiest girl in the room. It's MINE and I want it back. Now all I have to do is figure out how.

I will be posting pictures as soon as I figure out how on Blogger and no you will NOT be able to see my face, I would be mortified, but I will show you my rolls of fat, because hey, if you are reading this, you know my struggle.

And just because I can, I will now list my favorite foods, the foods that I eat WAY too much of and am now paying the price for:

Pernil
Arroz con Maiz
Pasteles
Empanadas
Cafe Con Leche
Flan
Fried Chicken
Lasagna
Cheese Burgers
Coke (the soda of course)
Tacos
Tamales
Fries
Pizza
Buffalo Wings

Hmm, if only I could find a way to make all of these things in a healthy version I would be straight. lol

And no, my income does not support Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Nutri-System, The Zone, a personal chef or any of the rest. This will have to be done the old fashion way:

EAT LESS, MOVE MORE!

I will post my rants and I have some doozies, about being the invisible fat girl and keep you posted on my life, the life of a big fat Puerto Rican.

Feel free to leave me a post and I will try and work this properly where you can email me as well.

Hasta