Why can't I get motivated?

I have snuck a peek here and there at the grandest of all health and life style change books, Fit for Life. I just have no motivation. I am in a classic catch 22 at this point. I'm depressed with my weight and really believe that my disgusting eating habits and sad lack of motivation when it comes to exercise are affecting my health. Yet since I am sluggish and depressed I can not seem to find the umph one needs to start a major life overhaul of the magnitude that I need.

Can we say DEEEE-pressed?!

Hey all, let me start off by saying, UGH!

I have been reading through some of the comments left on my blog (thanks for reading guys) over the past year or so and it occurred to me that I've had this blog for like, 3 years and I'M STILL FAT!

I recently changed my photo from my retro favorite go-to anonymous pic to an actual photo of me. Now I am not showing my face because ewe, I don't need people seeing the face attached to this nasty "maltrama*" (as my mom says), body of mine.

But I was in a dressing room with a super cute green shirt that was an XXL and it DID NOT fit me :(

SO that is my picture when I put my own shirt back on, and since I usually avoid mirrors, it was the first time I really saw how gross I looked in it. The arm fat, the belly roll etc.

On top of that my chest/heart has been hurting on and off. I know it's because I smoke, I'm fat and eat terrible things and I don't EVER exercise.

Planning to dust off my fit for life book. But I don't know what will happen, I mean hell, it's been three years and I'm still around the same weight as when I started this blog in 2007.

Good luck all...


*Maltrama is a word used to describe the body of an overweight person who is all jiggly wiggly and has flaps and folds of fat hanging over and around any piece of clothing they find to fit their rotund frames. That's me.