Experiment: Dressing Fat, Yay or Nay?

Okay so, as I was getting dressed for work the other day I realized that I "Dress Fat". What does dressing fat mean? Well, in my case it means that while trying to camouflage my fat, "my rolls", if you will, I layer. I layer as well as wear baggy clothes, très attractive, no?

I, of course, do this, in hopes of deflecting prying eyes from my "chichos" (love handles and generally any rolled fat area). However, as I stood in front of my daughters full length mirror (I have no mirror in my bedroom for obvious reasons) I saw that in fact, my attempts to conceal "the bod" were failing miserably. By layering, adding sweaters and hoodies, and wearing sweat pants and tee-shirts 2 sizes too big, I was actually making myself look bigger, how ironic.

Do I feel comfortable? Yep!

Do I feel constricted? Nope!

Should I stop dressing like this and start accentuating my positive attributes (my cleavage, my calves, my face) Yep!

Am I? Nope! LOL

And it's not that I am crazy, it's that I prefer to look, well, not so great, than to be self conscious because my clothes are form fitting, read: tight.

But I did experiment this weekend. I was shopping with my sister in law and my daughter and I saw the cutest pair of wedge open toed sandals, and damned if they weren't on sale, so I scooped them up.

I was invited to a lunch bar-b-que by my sister and her man for Sunday and after accepting the invite I was also invited to dinner at a friends', which I also accepted. I mean this would give me double research opportunity, so yes, yes, yes.

Okay, so it's Sunday and I glammed myself up, for the first time in eons, I must admit. Anyway, I slipped on my cute shorts, and no, they were NOT Daisy Duke Booty shorts, they were classy knee length soft cotton, my very own size, so yes, form fitting. I added an orange cleavage enhancing tank top, very tight (you know, so "the girls" would stand up at attention-lol) and a brown lacy over top. I slipped into my purty new shows, complete with red ribbon ties around the ankle (I'm not color blind or fashion challenged the shoes had orange, red, blue and yellow in them). I swept my hair into that adorable messy movie star bun that usually only comes out when you aren't trying to achieve the look, threw on my Jackie O over sized glasses and went on my way.

I get to the bar-b-que and there are 2 men about my age sitting in the front room. I breezed by them while simultaneously saying hello and saw that they were both checking out the booty, (insert smile here), peripheral vision, and I must admit it was a little darker than usual in that room for some reason, so it probably skewed their view. After that my sister’s boyfriend commented that I had dressed up, and my sister said she loved my shows. Now here is where I interject and mention that as long as I've been heavy, the only compliments I get are for my hair, my shoes, my bags and my sunglasses.

When we were in the back yard chatting, another friend of theirs parked and looked toward the back, spotted me and smiled. But as he got closer and the bod came into clear focus for him, his smile vanished and he asked where her boyfriend was. She answered and he went inside.

When at my friends house for dinner she said I looked pretty, and her niece said my shoes were "hot".

Experiment concluded with the following results. Even in my form fitting clothes and my hair done, I am still invisible, but a worse invisible than the day I was at the beach. When no one acknowledges you, it's bad enough. But when they notice your "pretty face" and then turn tail and run after they see the body that accompanies it, it hurts a little more, you know?

So for now, I will continue to wear whatever pleases me and onlookers be damned. I have never believed that a woman should dress solely for the purpose of getting a man's attention anyway. I believe in dressing for myself and that is what I always did when I was thin. The fact that I got male attention and compliments was merely the cherry on top.

And until I get my life and my body back I will dress the way I have been, for comfort.

And to the men that discount women because of weight, I can not speak for my sisters in the struggle, but for me, I have never and will never knowingly go out with a man that passed me over when I was heavy.

Unfair? Perhaps, but no one said life was fair.

Laterz

Fat Girl at the Beach

Sooooo, I was "Down The Shore" (If you're not from the East Coast this means the New Jersey Shore, beach, boardwalk, amusement park) this weekend taking my son to my aunt's house. He is staying with them for a couple of weeks and before we headed back home, we drove to the boardwalk. Ay nena, why? WHY did I agree?

Now let me set this up for you guys, I only brought comfort clothes with me because #1 I'm fat and hate tight clothes and #2 because I was under the impression that I would drive there, hang out with my family then drive home. So my wardrobe consisted of sweat pants, pajama pants and t-shirts. Now of course, every other women my age (30's) is taking the "30 is the new 20" to heart and sporty bikinis and looking fly. Whoa is me.

Anyway, we go to the boardwalk and there I am, all glorious 205 lbs of me and during those 2 hours I realized that, as big as I am, I am completely invisible to men. My mom is a big woman and men break their necks to get a glimpse of her wherever she is at, she's stunning. And okay now, I do understand the confidence factor (or lack thereof in my case) is important. I also understand that because I felt like a schlump with my men's PJ pants and Tee, my hair in a bun and sneakers, I may have been sending out "please ignore me" signals. But for not ONE friggin' guy to look? Seriously! Whatever!

Anyway I was sitting there and people watching and I saw like a hundred Hottie Gotti look a likes, too cute (I love Italian men). It was a nice day and the kids had a blast and all, but I left feeling low about myself. I was also pissed at myself. I started picturing how completely different that short 2 hours would have been had I been at my Pre-Move weight. I say Pre-Move because I gained most of this weight when I left the Tri-State area and moved upstate.

What would the differences have been? Well, first off I would have been dressed a lot more appropriately for the beach/boardwalk, shorts and a tank top, so I would have been less uncomfortable. Secondly I would not have given a second though to what men were doing, if they stared or ignored me wouldn't have mattered. And just so ya know, I wouldn't have been ignored, just saying! yep, I'm Just Saying! LOL

On the drive home I was listening to some old school hip hop and free style music and decided to start this blog. Why? I don't really know, I guess to share my perspective on every day things through the eyes of a fat girl. Perhaps to let other women know that they aren't alone.

I will say this though, I'm so tired of it all. I have this adorable size 6 Anne Klein little black dress in my closet and what do I wear when I have a function? Well, if I absolutely, no way around it, HAVE TO GO! Then I get my size 16/18 butt in a pair of black pants with elastic (Stacey and Clinton would be horrified) and a black button down shirt. Every time, every SINGLE time!

So this was a typical day at the beach for this fat girl. Hope you guys are enjoying your beach adventures more than I did.

Laterz

Hola Muchachas! What's up?!

As you can tell by my Blog title, I am Puerto Rican and overweight. Now, in a world in which people of all races admire, adore and lust after a certain Ms. Jennifer Lopez, this ain't cute. When I was growing up in the Bronx I never thought about being a fat adult. But I guess eating what we (boriquas) eat, unless I was careful there really was no way around it. All of my friends have had a continuing struggle with their weight as well. My mom, my sister, even my brother.

And though there are some very beautiful heavyset women out there, women who are comfortable in their skin and love their bodies, I am not one of them. I hate feeling fatigued, not being able to wear 90% of my wardrobe (yes! I kept my skinny clothes, y que?), being invisible to the opposite sex and not feeling like a good example for my kids.

Medically it's tough as well, and yes, Honesty Alert: I smoke. I know I shouldn't, I've tried to quit like a zillion times and still smoke. And like any true NewYorican that does, I smoke Newports UGH! I also have high cholesterol for over a year now.

At 205 lbs on my 5'1" frame I am miserable. I'm depressed, y no puedo mas.

I felt this way once before and though I was nowhere near 205 lbs (this is my heaviest weight ever) I was still unhappy. I decided to lose weight and get healthy and I did. And you know what? I want that feeling back. Feeling like I could take on the world, the great feeling of looking into my closet and being able to slide into a size 6 dress for my friends wedding, feeling like the prettiest girl in the room. It's MINE and I want it back. Now all I have to do is figure out how.

I will be posting pictures as soon as I figure out how on Blogger and no you will NOT be able to see my face, I would be mortified, but I will show you my rolls of fat, because hey, if you are reading this, you know my struggle.

And just because I can, I will now list my favorite foods, the foods that I eat WAY too much of and am now paying the price for:

Pernil
Arroz con Maiz
Pasteles
Empanadas
Cafe Con Leche
Flan
Fried Chicken
Lasagna
Cheese Burgers
Coke (the soda of course)
Tacos
Tamales
Fries
Pizza
Buffalo Wings

Hmm, if only I could find a way to make all of these things in a healthy version I would be straight. lol

And no, my income does not support Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Nutri-System, The Zone, a personal chef or any of the rest. This will have to be done the old fashion way:

EAT LESS, MOVE MORE!

I will post my rants and I have some doozies, about being the invisible fat girl and keep you posted on my life, the life of a big fat Puerto Rican.

Feel free to leave me a post and I will try and work this properly where you can email me as well.

Hasta