Sooooo, I was "Down The Shore" (If you're not from the East Coast this means the New Jersey Shore, beach, boardwalk, amusement park) this weekend taking my son to my aunt's house. He is staying with them for a couple of weeks and before we headed back home, we drove to the boardwalk. Ay nena, why? WHY did I agree?
Now let me set this up for you guys, I only brought comfort clothes with me because #1 I'm fat and hate tight clothes and #2 because I was under the impression that I would drive there, hang out with my family then drive home. So my wardrobe consisted of sweat pants, pajama pants and t-shirts. Now of course, every other women my age (30's) is taking the "30 is the new 20" to heart and sporty bikinis and looking fly. Whoa is me.
Anyway, we go to the boardwalk and there I am, all glorious 205 lbs of me and during those 2 hours I realized that, as big as I am, I am completely invisible to men. My mom is a big woman and men break their necks to get a glimpse of her wherever she is at, she's stunning. And okay now, I do understand the confidence factor (or lack thereof in my case) is important. I also understand that because I felt like a schlump with my men's PJ pants and Tee, my hair in a bun and sneakers, I may have been sending out "please ignore me" signals. But for not ONE friggin' guy to look? Seriously! Whatever!
Anyway I was sitting there and people watching and I saw like a hundred Hottie Gotti look a likes, too cute (I love Italian men). It was a nice day and the kids had a blast and all, but I left feeling low about myself. I was also pissed at myself. I started picturing how completely different that short 2 hours would have been had I been at my Pre-Move weight. I say Pre-Move because I gained most of this weight when I left the Tri-State area and moved upstate.
What would the differences have been? Well, first off I would have been dressed a lot more appropriately for the beach/boardwalk, shorts and a tank top, so I would have been less uncomfortable. Secondly I would not have given a second though to what men were doing, if they stared or ignored me wouldn't have mattered. And just so ya know, I wouldn't have been ignored, just saying! yep, I'm Just Saying! LOL
On the drive home I was listening to some old school hip hop and free style music and decided to start this blog. Why? I don't really know, I guess to share my perspective on every day things through the eyes of a fat girl. Perhaps to let other women know that they aren't alone.
I will say this though, I'm so tired of it all. I have this adorable size 6 Anne Klein little black dress in my closet and what do I wear when I have a function? Well, if I absolutely, no way around it, HAVE TO GO! Then I get my size 16/18 butt in a pair of black pants with elastic (Stacey and Clinton would be horrified) and a black button down shirt. Every time, every SINGLE time!
So this was a typical day at the beach for this fat girl. Hope you guys are enjoying your beach adventures more than I did.
Laterz
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