Okay so, as I was getting dressed for work the other day I realized that I "Dress Fat". What does dressing fat mean? Well, in my case it means that while trying to camouflage my fat, "my rolls", if you will, I layer. I layer as well as wear baggy clothes, très attractive, no?
I, of course, do this, in hopes of deflecting prying eyes from my "chichos" (love handles and generally any rolled fat area). However, as I stood in front of my daughters full length mirror (I have no mirror in my bedroom for obvious reasons) I saw that in fact, my attempts to conceal "the bod" were failing miserably. By layering, adding sweaters and hoodies, and wearing sweat pants and tee-shirts 2 sizes too big, I was actually making myself look bigger, how ironic.
Do I feel comfortable? Yep!
Do I feel constricted? Nope!
Should I stop dressing like this and start accentuating my positive attributes (my cleavage, my calves, my face) Yep!
Am I? Nope! LOL
And it's not that I am crazy, it's that I prefer to look, well, not so great, than to be self conscious because my clothes are form fitting, read: tight.
But I did experiment this weekend. I was shopping with my sister in law and my daughter and I saw the cutest pair of wedge open toed sandals, and damned if they weren't on sale, so I scooped them up.
I was invited to a lunch bar-b-que by my sister and her man for Sunday and after accepting the invite I was also invited to dinner at a friends', which I also accepted. I mean this would give me double research opportunity, so yes, yes, yes.
Okay, so it's Sunday and I glammed myself up, for the first time in eons, I must admit. Anyway, I slipped on my cute shorts, and no, they were NOT Daisy Duke Booty shorts, they were classy knee length soft cotton, my very own size, so yes, form fitting. I added an orange cleavage enhancing tank top, very tight (you know, so "the girls" would stand up at attention-lol) and a brown lacy over top. I slipped into my purty new shows, complete with red ribbon ties around the ankle (I'm not color blind or fashion challenged the shoes had orange, red, blue and yellow in them). I swept my hair into that adorable messy movie star bun that usually only comes out when you aren't trying to achieve the look, threw on my Jackie O over sized glasses and went on my way.
I get to the bar-b-que and there are 2 men about my age sitting in the front room. I breezed by them while simultaneously saying hello and saw that they were both checking out the booty, (insert smile here), peripheral vision, and I must admit it was a little darker than usual in that room for some reason, so it probably skewed their view. After that my sister’s boyfriend commented that I had dressed up, and my sister said she loved my shows. Now here is where I interject and mention that as long as I've been heavy, the only compliments I get are for my hair, my shoes, my bags and my sunglasses.
When we were in the back yard chatting, another friend of theirs parked and looked toward the back, spotted me and smiled. But as he got closer and the bod came into clear focus for him, his smile vanished and he asked where her boyfriend was. She answered and he went inside.
When at my friends house for dinner she said I looked pretty, and her niece said my shoes were "hot".
Experiment concluded with the following results. Even in my form fitting clothes and my hair done, I am still invisible, but a worse invisible than the day I was at the beach. When no one acknowledges you, it's bad enough. But when they notice your "pretty face" and then turn tail and run after they see the body that accompanies it, it hurts a little more, you know?
So for now, I will continue to wear whatever pleases me and onlookers be damned. I have never believed that a woman should dress solely for the purpose of getting a man's attention anyway. I believe in dressing for myself and that is what I always did when I was thin. The fact that I got male attention and compliments was merely the cherry on top.
And until I get my life and my body back I will dress the way I have been, for comfort.
And to the men that discount women because of weight, I can not speak for my sisters in the struggle, but for me, I have never and will never knowingly go out with a man that passed me over when I was heavy.
Unfair? Perhaps, but no one said life was fair.
Laterz
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