When I close my eyes and think of what I want my life to be...

I would be rid of the cigarettes for sure. And that cigarette money saved would be taking me to England and France and Italy.

An ex smoker, healthy and happy at my goal weight. A return to my old self where even if I was afraid I would try new things, like snowboarding, cuz hey, you only live once and as John Gotti once told his son, "at the end of the day all we have are our memories".

And even though apprehensive I would attend that black tie affair and say yes to a date with the hottie MGM rep that is in town. A return to the me that loved girls night out and having my little sisters teach me the latest dance moves, now don't hate but I learned all the moves to NSYNC's "Tearing up my heart" back in the day :)

Someone that loves to do athletic things with my kids, like basketball in the park on a nice summer day or sledding in the winter, and dare I say it, a lil touch football in the fall.

I would NOT be working at my current job, though I cannot tell a lie, working in television has been one of my better job experiences. But I digress, I'd have a career not a job, I would be writing for a living. Writing non fiction about strong women who have chased their dreams of entrepreneurism, and fiction with fabulous characters based on my crazy, smart, lovable and ghetto-fabulous friends.

I would vacation in spectacular places and date delicious men!

So, these are the things I would do, the person I would be, the person that I was.

Yes, if I could blink and have the life I want, those are some of the things that would instantly change. But alas, I cannot.

So I have two choices, exactly what I've been doing which is to wish and dream and not change my ways. Or man up! and do what i gotta do.